I think my vagina is haunted
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He shit in the fireplace
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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