When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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