So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
