I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
