my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
