WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
