I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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