When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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