and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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