The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
