Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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