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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"

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• (805): View more from California

  You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.

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• (925): View more from California

  My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with

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• (646): View more from New York

  I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.

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• (619): View more from California

  I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.

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