i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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