I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
