And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
