She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
