Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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