I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
