My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
