Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
