theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
