I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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