Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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