literally had 100 drinks last night.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
