I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
