it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The air taste purple.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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