she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
