sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
