Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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