Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
ttyl tear gas
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
