she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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