thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
