i used baking grease as lip gloss
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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