yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
