I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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