Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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