Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
