I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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