How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
