dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
