There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
