Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
