Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
