Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
