watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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