I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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