GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
