we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
