Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
