Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
