If i come over, it means nothing
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
