now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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