I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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