Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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