i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's rum buckets o'clock
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
