I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
